Oops, been done to death, right? How about: a gal walks into the DMV...
The sun blazed high in the sky even
though it was mid-February in Chicago. I headed downtown; traffic moving
rapidly for once. Yesterday was my birthday, but I had procrastinated getting
my driver’s license renewed. Less than an hour before the government building closed,
I needed to plead my case. I had anticipated long lines, but pushing open the
door to the DMV revealed a nearly empty room. Clutching the form in my hand, I
hurried to the open window at the counter and that’s when my luck ran out.
“Hello, Gracie.”
The lean figure behind the counter
with cheeks as red as a hooker’s lipstick and eyes as gray as a stormcloud,
greeted me. An involuntary shudder ran down my body. Six months ago, when I’d
signed those final papers and slipped that ring off my finger, I figured I’d
never have to see him again. I’d figured wrong.
“Oh, Gracie, the records show you have
to retake the written test,” he said.
“I don’t think so. Must be a glitch
in your computer,” I said.
“Sorry. Wish I could help, but it
is what it is.”
Those thin lips of his couldn’t
quite hide a smirk.
I leaned closer and lowered my
voice. “I have a perfect driving record—no tickets, no accidents. There is no
reason for me to have to retake that stupid test.”
A full smile now accompanied his
headshake.
I mentally counted to ten and then
leaned closer. “Listen buddy, don’t forget I had that private detective follow
you for weeks. He accumulated a lot of dirt that never came out in court.”
He mopped his forehead. “Why,
Gracie, are you trying to bribe a government employee?”
I knew Mr. Smug and Sanctimonious
was racking his pea-brain to try and remember what my private eye might have
caught him doing back then.
I straightened up and smiled
sweetly. “No sir, I’m threatening one.”
Five minutes later I swept through
the door, new license in hand.
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