Happy Valentine's Day

So a guy walks into a bar...

Oops, been done to death, right? How about: a gal walks into the DMV...

The sun blazed high in the sky even though it was mid-February in Chicago. I headed downtown; traffic moving rapidly for once. Yesterday was my birthday, but I had procrastinated getting my driver’s license renewed. Less than an hour before the government building closed, I needed to plead my case. I had anticipated long lines, but pushing open the door to the DMV revealed a nearly empty room. Clutching the form in my hand, I hurried to the open window at the counter and that’s when my luck ran out.

“Hello, Gracie.”

The lean figure behind the counter with cheeks as red as a hooker’s lipstick and eyes as gray as a stormcloud, greeted me. An involuntary shudder ran down my body. Six months ago, when I’d signed those final papers and slipped that ring off my finger, I figured I’d never have to see him again. I’d figured wrong.

“Oh, Gracie, the records show you have to retake the written test,” he said.

“I don’t think so. Must be a glitch in your computer,” I said.

“Sorry. Wish I could help, but it is what it is.”

Those thin lips of his couldn’t quite hide a smirk.

I leaned closer and lowered my voice. “I have a perfect driving record—no tickets, no accidents. There is no reason for me to have to retake that stupid test.”

A full smile now accompanied his headshake.

I mentally counted to ten and then leaned closer. “Listen buddy, don’t forget I had that private detective follow you for weeks. He accumulated a lot of dirt that never came out in court.”

He mopped his forehead. “Why, Gracie, are you trying to bribe a government employee?”

I knew Mr. Smug and Sanctimonious was racking his pea-brain to try and remember what my private eye might have caught him doing back then.

I straightened up and smiled sweetly. “No sir, I’m threatening one.”

Five minutes later I swept through the door, new license in hand.

Z: EVERYTHING CRIME FROM A – Z

Zodiac

If you get stuck trying to form a new character, borrow some qualities from the astrological signs.

Aquarius

Positives: Progressive, original, very independent, supportive, loyal, kind

Weaknesses: Runs from emotional expression (detached from their feelings), temperamental, unpredictable, uncompromising, aloof, impulsive

Likes: Fun with friends, travel, helps others, fights for causes, does charity work, good listener

Dislikes: Limitations, broken promises, boredom

Pisces

Positives: Compassionate, friendly, selfless, creative, gentle, wise, psychic, empathetic, boundless imaginations, positive approach to life, adventerous

Weaknesses: Fearful, overly trusting, desire to escape reality (wears rose-colored glasses)

Likes: Being alone, sleeping, romance, swimming

Dislikes: Know-it-all, criticism, past coming back to haunt

Aries

Positives: Courageous, determined, bold, ambitious, confident, motivated, optimistic, honest, loves to be #1, uncomplicated and direct

Weaknesses: Impatient, moody, short-tempered, opinionated, impulsive, selfish tendencies, lack of concentration

Likes: Leadership, physical challenges, individual sports

Dislikes: Inactivity, delays, exhaustive details

Taurus

Positives: Reliable, patient, practical, stable, devoted, responsible, hardworking, trustworthy, conservative

Weaknesses: Stubborn, possessive, uncompromising, jealous, materialistic

Likes: Gardening, cooking, romance, working with hands, security is crucial, being pampered

Dislikes: Sudden changes, complications, insecurity

Gemini

Positives: Gentle, sympathetic, sociable, affectionate, curious, adaptable, playful, quick-witted, fearless thinker

Weaknesses: Nervous, inconsistent, indecisive, short attention spans, narcissistic streak

Likes: Music, books, magazines, chats, constantly juggling a variety of passions

Dislikes: Being alone, being confined, repetition and routine

Cancer

Positives: Tenacious, imaginative, intuitive, loyal, emotional, sympathetic, generous

Weaknesses: Moody, pessimistic, manipulative, insecure, immature

Likes: Art, home-based hobbies, relaxing in or near water, helping loved ones

Dislikes: Strangers, any criticism of Mom, revealing of personal life

Leo

Positives: Creative, passionate, generous, cheerful, humorous

Weaknesses: Arrogant, stubborn, self-centered, lady, inflexible, authoritative, demanding

Likes: Theater, taking holidays, being admired, expensive things, fun with friends

Dislikes: Being ignored, facing difficult reality, not being treated like royalty

Virgo

Positives: Loyal, analytical, intelligent, logical, kind, hardworking, practical, hyper aware, perfectionist

Weaknesses: Shyness, worry, overly critical (of self and others), rigid, all work and no play

Likes: Animals, healthy food, books, nature, cleanliness

Dislikes: Rudeness, asking for help, taking center stage

Libra

Positives: Cooperative, diplomatic, kind, understanding, gracious, social, fair-minded, people pleasers

Weaknesses: Indecisive, avoids confrontation, self-pity, carries a grudge, obsessed with symmetry

Likes: Harmony, gentleness, sharing with others, the outdoors

Dislikes: Violence, injustice, loudmouths, conformity

Scorpio

Positives: Decisive, emotive, resourceful, brave, passionate, stubborn, a true friend

Weaknesses: Distrusting, jealous, secretive, violent, rebellious, aggressive

Likes: Truths, facts, being right, longtime friends, teasing

Dislikes: Dishonesty, revealing secrets, passive people

Saggitarius

Positives: Generous, great sense of humor, idealistic, serene

Weaknesses: Promises more than can deliver, impatient, speaks mind

Likes: Freedom, travel, philosophy, being outdoors

Dislikes: Clingy people, being constrained, off-the wall theories, drama

Capricorn

Positives: Responsible, disciplined, self-control, attentive, brave, patient, cautious, analytical

Weaknesses: Know-it-all, unforgiving, condescending, defensive (expects the worst)

Likes: Family, tradition, music, quality craftmanship

Dislikes: Almost everything at some point

Y: EVERYTHING CRIME FROM A – Z

Yesterday

It’s hard for a criminal to get away with murder these days. As a writer, we have to be aware of modern technology and use it correctly in our books.

Remember when cell phones became common place? The writer had to come up with clever ways for the protagonist to be in a difficult situation without being able to call for help. The phone wasn’t charged, they left it in their car (or house or purse, etc.)

Nowadays we have super advanced DNA tests that can pinpoint eye color, height, nationality, etc. to a highly probable degree.
Public cameras are almost everywhere catching the public’s movements.

Cops now have GPS tracking darts which allow them to shoot a small sticky dart containing a micro GPS tracker from the grill of their patrol car onto a suspect’s vehicle.

 Automatic license plate recognition systems utilize cameras inside of patrol cars to automatically run every license plate the camera sees.

Drones can be used to give a bird’s eye view of a crime scene or an active shooting.

The police are outfitted with body cameras that record arrests and can be used as evidence in court.

ShotSpotter predicts where a gunshot was fired from. It can distinguish between the gunshot and the resulting echoes.



Thermal imaging is used to get ‘heat signatures’ of an area to help the  police locate suspects hiding in a dark building. It can also help locate a missing child/person. Does this mean the K9 is obsolete? Say it isn’t so!

 
Yesterday’s methods are constantly evolving and as writers, we need to keep up!

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