D: EVERYTHING CRIME, A – Z

Defenses

Let’s take a look at some criminal defenses.

How about the accused who claimed his cat downloaded thousands of pornographic pictures onto his computer. Now I know that cats rule the internet (look at all the cute cat videos), but I don’t know of a cat that can type and download. (Though I guess it’s worth a try if I could get my cat to pitch in and help me write my books.) Now if he claimed his pet monkey did it, he might have a case…

Then there’s always the popular ‘homicidal sleepwalking’ defense. Sleepwalkers can have violent outbursts if startled. Sometimes this defense actually works as long as their defense doesn’t break down when their next actions are too complex and/or too specific for a sleepwalker to perform (such as disposing of the evidence) and goes toward showing premeditation.

Or the ‘nutmeg induced frenzy’ defense. Validity? Well, nutmeg does contain myristicin which is a psychoactive drug.

Another all-time favorite is the ‘Evil twin did it’ defense. Identical twins (from the same fertilized egg) have virtually indistinguishable DNA. The crime lab won’t be able to tell the two of them apart. (Fraternal twins do not share identical DNA.) However, fingerprints are a different kettle of fish. Even identical twins don’t have the same fingerprints, so best for the evil twin to wear gloves.

And who could forget the infamous ‘Twinkie Defense’?

Although we roll our eyes at the absurdity of some defenses, lawyers do try to do their creative best. Looking back to 1871, Thomas McGehan was on trial for the murder of Tom Myers during a barroom brawl. McGehan’s lawyer set out to prove his client innocent because he believed Myers had shot himself when he tried to draw his pistol from a kneeling position. Attempting to prove his case, the lawyer put what he thought was an unloaded gun in his pocket, kneeled down to recreate the scene, attempted to pull the pistol out of his pocket and accidently shot himself in the abdomen. The lawyer died a few days later from his injury, but his client was acquitted. (You can’t make this stuff up!)