Santa's Secret

Let me tell you a story, that fills me with regret,

About a horrible night that I’d rather forget,

And the way I avoided a formal dragnet.

The sleigh was packed tight, all loaded with gifts,

The GPS primed to avoid pesky snowdrifts,

But the situation that unfolded almost left me adrift.

I sat at the table, enjoying a warm, hearty stew,

When from outside there came a hullabaloo,

That threatened to ruin my chimney rendezvous.

Three elves burst through the door, calling “Santa, come quick!

We’re so distraught and hope it’s just a trick,

But we’re afraid our security’s been breached by a raving lunatic.”

Pushing aside my dinner, I launched into action,

Mrs. Claus stood at the stove frowning at the distraction,

I hadn’t eaten enough to bring her satisfaction.

The countdown had started on my long journey ahead,

I was looking forward to milk, cookies and gingerbread,

But the elves blurted out, “Blitzen is missing—presumed dead.”

We crunched through the blizzard to the side of the house,

Under the watchful eyes of my jolly, old spouse,

The stillness surrounding us, quiet as a mouse.

My eyes narrowed and focused on a terrifying scene,

That brought up memories of a scary Halloween,

The Christmas holiday ruined if I didn’t intervene.

I drank in the sight—my thoughts quite profane,

There in a huddle lay some butchered remains,

Quite a massacre had occurred, leaving vivid bloodstains.

A headcount performed, the elves were quite right,

My beloved Blitzen was nowhere in sight,

By the looks of the bloodshed, he’d put up a fight.

Everything in readiness to fly through the hemisphere,

The children were waiting—but no four-legged volunteer,

So I adjusted the lineup to make do with only seven reindeer.

Guiding the sleigh with two hands, I sorted truth from fiction,

As awareness washed over me, I made a prediction,

I absolutely wouldn’t tell my tale –it’d only secure a conviction.

The damage was done, there was no way to undo,

And Mrs. Claus would be arrested if I shared what I knew,

I’d figured out the special ingredient in her homemade stew!